a letter i'd never send.

i know that what's happening is better for me, it is being hard for me to stand it, but i promised that I'd go on with this, i won't get back, not now, and being where i am. So, how come i sunk into my chair and began to write this? Even because i think that no one will read this, even you (to whom i pointed this text), and if you read this, i will probably not understand. I have no idea how i plucked up courage to write this, maybe a shit for you, but for me, these are the sincerest words, anyway i did it, and until now i feel no regret, maybe i will feel it later, and then i assure you, i will simply delete this picture and this caption. Since i knew you i noticed there was something different, something that another people didn't make me feel. I looked for answers many times, but i couldn't find them, but i've tried hard, i really tried hard. I was supposed to be your best friend, and you were supposed to be mine, and this used to confuse me more and more, i couldn't stop thinking about what would be the best thing to do, i couldn't decide between telling you the truth or denying my true feelings, for one week, i chose the first way, but i could feel that it wasn't the way that my heart desired, the way it did (and does) was the second (and hardest) way, a way full of thorns that would certain hurt me, unless i stop my real desire and begin from the scratch. That's what i did, and i keep doing. While i write this, i think how i'd be now, probably not writing this, haha, but i also wonder, if it was the best thing. I have been having uncountable stories here, and I've bee suffering from them too, so i fear for suffer again, and that's what i had against the feeling i gave you. I can't blame only myself for this whole situation, the fault is yours too, sometimes you flattered, buttlicked, always smiling at me as i approached you, these demonstrations of love and partnership confused me, i was always wondering what was right, and what only enchanted me, but deep inside wasn't what i really wanted and thought. I was without a escape valve, and the safety one i found was build a tough wall between us, I did so. This wall is still strong and i hope it keeps on this way, depending on me, it will, for a long time, and then i will be allowed to open my mouth and say, and that shitty (or wonderful) feeling has gone way! That's the time to keep in touch with each other again, before this, i assure you you wont. But you know..i've got a power, and this power makes me heal all my wounds fast, as i told you.

Thus healed, we will be happy together again.

And be aware that, i'm good without you here, and i feel i will reach my aim.

-This is for you, who shifted your name with me.